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Have you ever wondered, "What is BDSM?", or wondered, "What is sadomasochism?"? "You have come to the right place.
BDSM is an umbrella term for any sexual behaviour that could be considered "kinky", i.e. pain, physical restraint and bondage.
While these things may be frowned upon in non-sexual scenarios, they form the basis of BDSM. In the world of BDSM, you can try spanking, whipping, flogging, binding, tying, teasing - whatever you want to try. Together with consent and safety precautions, these activities provide mutual satisfaction and excitement for those involved.
So, if you want to know what BDSM is really all about, read our guide to BDSM and sadomasochism and unleash your kinky side.
What does BDSM mean?
The term BDSM can be broken down in three ways - the letters stand for six different "acts":
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Binding and discipline
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Dominance and obedience
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Sadism and masochism (although sadism and masochism are separate hobbies, they are related and often referred to as sadomasochism).
These aspects complement each other, but they can also be enjoyed separately or in combination - take your pick.
Now you know what each letter means, but what does bdsm mean?
OK, let's break it down even further.
Binding
If you've ever wondered, "What is BDSM?", you're probably imagining someone being tied up (thank you, Fifty Shades). Well, that's bondage.
If we are really talking in technical terms, it is physical restraint, or the physical restraint of another person by means of special equipment such as a rope and a strap.
Although it may have a skewed reputation, many people unknowingly enjoy bondage when they playfully use furry handcuffs that their friends have jokingly bought for them, and many people find the experience enjoyable too!
One of the reasons why bondage is one of the most popular BDSM activities is that it gives your partner a sense of powerlessness and you a sense of mastery, and vice versa. Knowing that you can do what you like with your partner (within reason!), for your own pleasure or for theirs, while controlling every shudder of orgasm, is immensely satisfying.
For others, just the feeling of bonding, the feeling of being squeezed and pushing against the constraints in a sexual scenario is incredibly exciting.
If you're looking for something to help you be present and in the moment, bonding is a great way to slow down and enjoy what your partner is doing. After all, if you're tied, you have no choice but to lie back and enjoy the experience.
Discipline
Disciplinary action is taken when the submissive or the "bottom" in the relationship needs attention in order to correct behaviour that may be considered a violation of pre-established rules.
These rules shall be established before the start of any activity and shall be agreed by both partners. The rules can be light, such as "you must shower before you start any naughty activities", or strict, such as "you will not have an orgasm".
If you've ever enjoyed the sensation of a hard smack on the bottom, or if you want to live out your fantasies as a school teacher, chances are you might like a bit of discipline.
Role-playing is a great way to learn about disciplinary play for those who are just starting to explore BDSM. Why not try a scene in which you give your naughty nurse a few disciplinary swats with the paddle every time she accidentally drops her "medical equipment" on the floor?
You can take your disciplinary game to the next level by experimenting with physical (e.g. caning) and psychological (humiliation or verbal spanking) punishments. Just remember to agree on a safe word with your partner beforehand.
Obedience
Submission is the opposite of domination, and obedience is a state of submission to another person.
Dominance and submission go hand in hand when the submissive partner must do what the dominant partner asks. Otherwise, they risk being punished in any way that is acceptable to the dominant. How interesting!
In the bedroom, submissives may like to be taken out of control during sex. Good ways to play with this are to use a ball to stop them talking, or wrist and ankle restraints to stop them touching themselves or their dominant partner. This exchange of power can be very sexually satisfying and emotionally rewarding.
Like dominant men, many make submissiveness part of their daily lifestyle, letting their partner be the owner of the keys to their virginity belt or taking on the role of servant in the home.
Sadism
So, we've covered the first four "steps". Now it's time to move on to the S and M values.
Sadism is the practice of sexual gratification by inflicting pain on others.In the past, the word was considered "dirty" because of its association with criminals and morally depraved characters in TV and film (think Kakihara in Ichi the Killer). But the BDSM community is reclaiming sadism and masochism and showing that it is a good thing.
Sadists like to inflict pain on their partner through physical punishment or humiliation. Sexuality is often determined by the feeling and power involved in such acts, as well as by the sight of the lover's body turning pink from a good spanking!
If you want to experiment with sadism, try using toys such as whips or hammers against your partner. If you want to go even further, nipple clamps or wrenches can also work well for pain play.
Like all BDSM practices, it should always be consensual, with the understanding that it will provide some sexual pleasure for one or both parties.
